embracing the vulnerability of incomplete...

Anxiety is something we all deal with. Some more than others. I think much of it has to do with the expectations we put on ourselves. A lot of of these expectations are products of the influences that society has shackled us with. I delved into voluminous detail on the subject in the post, ”Swimming A Lagoon Of Sea Blobs”. But a lot of it is probably just us.

I’ve always been a big proponent of planning. I write business plans and personal plans, and a big hobby of mine is modeling (not in the Vogue sense 😂), but creating projection of the future. In hindsight, I think a lot of it has been wasted time. I suppose the practice of modeling has strengthened my cerebral capabilities, but it’s taken its toll of my well-being. I’ve become a slave to To Do lists — and To Do lists that are unrealistic. No one has contacted me from Marvel about making superhero movie about my ability to get things done. That said, the last couple years I’ve made efforts to embrace a more fluid approach to life, more adapting and going with the flow. Sometimes I’ve been successful, sometimes not. I think a lot of the time this ‘fluidity’ is just disguised procrastination though. Regardless, I think it’s a positive step.

I also suffer from being a perfectionist. Perfectionism is the proverbial two-edged sword. If you don’t have a high bar — what’s the point. On the other hand, if you can’t get something out the door until it passes some unobtainable self-imposed level of 'perfect’ — again what’s the point.

When I started this blog, Down The Rabbit Hole, I knew I needed it be something (well that’s a statement 😵‍💫) — I just didn’t know what that something was. I know if I want to be an effective communicator I need to portray a more transparent self; kind of like an ongoing ‘cold open’. I engage with a social media start-up out of Los Angeles called Sunroom. Sunroom is designed as a safe place for women and the LGBTQ+ community; a place where they can talk about and show stuff that would be censored by the cis-white male gatekeepers at Instagram and TikTok. I love the founders, Lucy and Michelle; not just for their corporate vision — but for their posts. They take you through their lives as founders of this company, in all its naked glory (cerebral and physical). They give us their pain as well as their successes. It’s vulnerable. It’s real … and I envy them. They transport me back to a time when my life was one entrepreneurial pursuit after another; whether it be creating graphic arts sourcebooks, promoting concerts or marketing solar and wind systems. Their enthusiasm, optimism and energy is contagious. Openings and stress-ridden due dates. Coffee, well-worn sweatshirt and celebratory parties. And the crash of it all the day afterwards. I miss that. Lucy and Michelle are giving me a little of that back. I sincerely thank them for that, and I’m inspired.

This brings me to Down The Rabbit Hole. A couple of weeks ago my friend Jeanette Herrie asked me whether I wrote for other people or for myself. The question is always something I’ve had in the back of my mind. I want to say it’s for others — but in reflection, I think at least at this point in my life, it’s as much for me. Writing, and more specifically writing here, is a stream of consciousness; a way to “work things out”. If others find it interesting then great — come along for the ride; or should I say, Down The Rabbit Hole.

The last many years, probably about ten now, I’ve been working on a project that attempts to reinvent civic participation solving societal problems by circumventing the public sector and instead utilize ‘the people’ working through a network of small businesses and organizations in the community. Most recently the project was called Community 3.0. Now in 2022, it’s metamorphosed into Melvin’s Neighborhood. Mainly due to my geographic and social isolation in Montana, the Neighborhood has been a solo venture. I’ve engaged with people online and on the phone along the way, and you all know who you are. While your participation might not have been direct — the stimuli you’ve given has made its way into the Melvin construct. I thank you for that.

Creating online collaborations is hard though. Anyone who’s tried to do it can agree. No matter how virtual we all say we are, creating a cerebral flow via the keyboard leaves a lot to be desired — at least for me, a 63 year old whose technical skills are fighting valiantly to stay relevant. But maybe I’ve been doing it wrong. Maybe the problem isn’t the medium as much as it’s the method. Connection needs to be organic. The timing has to be right. Everyone’s goals have to be aligned and the personalities have to mesh. It’s no different than a personal relationship. You have to get to know the “project” — just like a person. What if The Rabbit Hole could be the first step; kind of a soft introduction to Melvin’s Neighborhood though my trials and tribulations of creating it. Kind of like what Lucy and Michelle are doing with Sunroom. All the Sunroom members are in the backseat on their journey.

What if I did the same.

My perfectionism and reluctance to get anything out in the public “before it’s ready” is the antithesis of this attitude. This journey I’m on has been way too lonely and I’d love some company. Hell, posting my progress (or lack of) might be therapeutic and help me “work out some things” too. I’m not Clint Eastwood in Pale Rider (or any other prototypical Hollywood go-it-alone cowboy). Why can’t you get in the back seat and ride along. If you just want to kick back then great. If you want to bring snacks — or even help drive … bring it on.

I’m sure Melvin wouldn’t mind either.

During the course of updating this blog, I’ll be posting random musings on what I’m working on concerning Melvin’s Neighborhood along with the miscellaneous other stuff that pours out of my brain. Feel free to jump in whenever you want.